I put two brothers into graves in 1988-1989.
Joined a war to forget their faces.
The whiskey would blind me for a while.
I was seeking a fast death without anyone knowing.
I had nothing left.

The war was too short and  I got lucky.
I landed on the California coastline at Fort Ord. Ca.
I went to the taverns in Monterey.
I drank and didn’t want attention.
I found people with similar dreams.
Desire for the sea, the word and good booze.

We would drink, suicide board and surf the ocean.
I was lucky.
The wild California Surfers felt pity for a man with no balance.
Gave me a suicide board and told me to keep a safe distance from them.

I suicide the big storms of Winter in 1992-1993.
Broke a rib and I tested life and death.
I started free-climber the fault line.
Death didn’t scare me. Life did.

Me and my good Friend Padget.
We went at Pfeiffer beach in Big Surf in 1992.
Drank two gallons of tequila and chased the poor people off the beach.
We told the world to f-off.
We were lucky we were not arrested.

We passed out in the back of my truck.
We awoke and went to the River Inn.
It was Saturday morning.
River Inn had live music and good people.
Just relaxing, drinking and trying to find peace.

A beautiful woman got on stage.
Long brown hair, soft brown eyes and a voice of a angel.
She had her guitar.
She told us. My name is Alisa Fineman.
I’m here to sing song of love and peace.

She sang for us for one hour.
I listen to her voice.
Her words of love and hope were tearing down wall of self pity and sadness.

I went to her and I thanks her for her music.
She stepped off the stage.
She touched my face.
She told me. “You will be alright honey. Let the bad stuff go.”
Her eyes saw the person I was.

I follow her to her concert when I could.
One day at Big Surf in the Winter.
She was lone performer.
I help her unload her gear.
I told her I was a Poet.

She laughed at me.
She told me. “Kind poet. You are looking better. I’m glad you are seeking a better road.”
She held my hand after she performed.
She listen to my story.

She told me.
“No easy road for no-one. You need to find a good place. Rest and heal.
You will be alright honey. You got to let the bad stuff go away.”

I had to leave the coastline.
I knew I was lucky to find Big Surf and Alisa Fineman.

Alisa Fineman taught me. Can solve more problems with kindness than anger.

I play her old cassettes today.
I still wish to drink good wine and to hear the voice of kind Angel.
Who saved my life.

Coyote