You have saved me

I remember sitting alone. Holding two brothers photos.
Suicide was their escape from the cold and heartless world.

Two Ojibwa/Mexican boys who saw no road except death as peace.

I caressed my 30-30 rifle.
I didn’t see any reason to keep going.
Their death laid heavy on my soul.

The phone  started to ring. I answered the call.

A old voice with kindness. My Grandmother begin to speak to me.
“We miss and love you baby. I want to see you. The family need you. Are you Ok? Grandma need her baby boy alive and strong.”

I hung the phone up.
I put the 30-30 in the closet.
My Grandmother knew somehow I needed kind words. She saved me.

I was drinking myself to death.
I lost my first true love.
I saw no reason to give a shit.

My friends were not helping in Germany.
Drinking was our peace.

My time in Germany was getting short.
I decided to say goodbye to my old lover.

I went to her.
I found her crying.

She yelled at me.
Told me he is dead. Are you happy?

I told her I knew nothing and I was sorry.
I held her for three days.

I brought her good whiskey and food.
Insured she was Ok.

She asked “Why was I  being kind to her?
I wasn’t kind to you.”

I kissed her forehead.
Silence was my answer.
I came to her for a goodbye.
I tried to save her.
Somehow I saved myself too.

Life is a fair journey. We must love and protect our family and friends.
Kindness bring kindness. Forgiveness need time and a lot of love.

We must be saved and we must return the kindness.

Laughter is life. We must hold on to it.

Coyote
March  2011