We be become, who we supposed to be..

 We become, who we supposed to be…. Chapter one..

I befriended a 30-30 once. I cleaned her five-time daily and I drank the Johnnie Walker whiskey. I wrote dead-man poetry and I didn’t seek human contact. I learned to love the quiet. I didn’t know till later in my life. Death didn’t want me. I had things I had to do. The Devil had a sense of humor. He wanted someone to talk to. Damn wars saved me. I sought the good death, the warrior death and I ended-up in Monterey. Death didn’t want me yet and I became the Irish Pub Dark Poet.

I found the Devil at the Irish Pub in Monterey in 1992. I had a fist full of money and I could watch the sea dance in my view. Drink till I became blinded. The Devil sat with me on a half-moon Spring night. He offered me his right hand and he told me. I have been waiting for you. I am the Devil and I need someone with nothing to lose to share some conversation. I took his hand and I told him. I am the Insane Poet and good to meet the Devil finally. He smiled at me with a big grin and large black eyes. He told me. I am unemployed, damn men more spiteful than me. They kill all thing beautiful and they hate each other. Brother killing brother, starvation and wars aplenty. Me, Lilith and Luna, we love the Long Island ice teas and the Monterey bay. We like being near the sea. Monterey is cool. Poets, writers, artist and musicians are here with us. We like the people, who see more than their own misery. The people, who can create. They are the lucky.

Luna and Lilith love the Pacific and the old city. The Devil smiled and he tapped my back. I love the damn poets, the most. You can make the  shit smell pretty, war seem less hellish and women, more godly and angelic. The Purgatory Inn is waiting for you Johnnie. Mark Twain talks about the great sinner and he looked forward to the Coyote drinking with him and playing the game of chess till the world ends.  Bukowski need company too. He told me. He need someone as dirty as him to discuss the shitty world and the woman. Even the unholy ladies writers can’t stand Bukowski. I asked him. Devil, what is left when you need little and all you have is the sea, the damn whiskey? He smiled and he pointed to the sea. He told me. Johnnie, we have the sea, we have beautiful Luna and my Gypsy love Lilith. We have enough.

A beautiful ginger hair woman appeared and the Devil introduced me to her. Johnnie, this is Luna. The goddess of the moon had blessed us with her appearance. I offered my right hand to her. She took my hand and she held my hand tightly and she whispered. Nice to meet the Dark Poet. I appreciate the words you write for me and I am a fan. Do you see me at the Pacific Grove poetry reading? I told her. I do and I cannot find you after I am done reading. I thought you were a mirage. You were so beautiful and you have a smile of gold. Luna smiled and she told the Devil. I told you. He speak like Donne and he lived like Hemingway. I love him so. 

The Devil was the best drinking company. He always paid for the drinks and he could make me laugh. He told me, when you need good company. Me, Luna and Lilith, always at the Irish pub on the pier at midnight. When Luna and Lilith drink enough. They get bare-assed and they dance for the sea at 3 am. God stopped by and he drink the Johnnie Walker, like you. God told us often. Men cannot see anything beautiful and they forgot kindness. They see a great forest, they want to cut her down. They murder cities with children and women in. They love blood more than peace. The free animals will be gone soon, is man insane? God asked us. I am going to Trijillo, Honduras. I will wait for the ending by the Golf of Mexico. Please come and visit me when you can.

Another woman appeared. A woman of great beauty. Wearing a white lace dress, barefoot and coffee brown eyes. The Devil smiled and he introduced her to me. This is beautiful Lilith. She was tall and long. I reached my right hand to her. She took my hand and she turned my hand. Slowly touched the lines on my palm. She smiled and she told me. You have not lived yet Dark Poet. You have more wars, more sin and you will be saved. You will save many too. Life is a wild dance, where we learn love, we will learn misery. Life is a twisted game and you have you father’s backbone. Can’t break men with nothing to lose. One day Johnnie. You will have something to lose. Luna kissed Lilith face and she told us. It is late and we must drink more. Tonight the liar’s moon. The liar’s moon, where the Dark Poets is allowed to whisper love words to the moon, to the night. Make us believe in the foolishness of love. The Devil ordered three fingers of the tequila for the each of us. He raised the first finger of tequila to the sky and he told the night. To us, to new friends and to laughter. We never have enough. We tapped the glasses and we drank the tequila straight. He raised the second finger of tequila and he told Luna and Lilith. To the most beautiful ladies in my world. You are making the last days more beautiful and wonderful. We tapped glasses and we drink the tequila down. He raised the third finger of the tequila and he told us. To Johnnie, new found friend, I hope befriend me and keep me company till the end. We tapped glasses and we laughed.

Was almost two am and the night was warm. The Irish Pub was closing and I watch Lilith and Luna escape into the night. The Devil smiled and he told me. We must follow them. The will make your dead heart be reborn and you will forever love them. They are the muses for the sleeping Gods. If you are lucky. You can join them in their dance with the sea. Maybe your Gypsy heart can be reborn again. No-one wants a sad man. Better to dance, laugh and have good friends near. Bukowski would tell you. Quit crying, start living.

We followed the escaping ladies to  the city of Monterey was far away. I saw clothing neatly laying on the sand. In the distance, Luna and Lilith was dancing with the sea. The half-moon was above them, smiling. The Devil smiled and I heard my name. Luna told me. Dear Dark Poet, come bare and true to us. We will give you reasons to write some words.

We become, who we supposed to be. 

(Part two)

It was late September 1992 and I felt lonely. After I read at the Monterey book store poetry. Everyone escaped and I was left alone. I decided to go to the Irish pub and try to find the Devil. He could always make me smile and he told me story about the old gods. He told me often. Don’t hold on to the bad things, today Johnnie, is what is important. Tomorrow may not come. I arrived at the Irish Pub and I looked at the Pacific. She was dancing crazy and wild tonight. Maybe a great storm was coming? I saw Luna’s long ginger hair and she was drinking alone. I went to her and I sat with her. She turned and she wrapped her arms around me and she whispered. I am glad you came tonight. I love the big storms.

I asked her. Where is the Devil, where is Lilith?  She looked sad and she told me. The Devil had to go to the Purgatory Inn tonight.  Hemingway called him and he told him. Mark Twain and damn Bukowski were raising hell again. Making the Purgatory Inn a mess tonight. Bukowski, he listen to the Devil only. Takes a Devil to know a Devil. I told her. I am glad you are here. I am feeling lonely tonight and I need a good drinking partner and maybe you can share a story with me? Maybe make me smile? She laughed at his words and she told him. You do make me smile. I will tell you a story if you come with me and we dance in the arms of the storms tonight. We can drink till blindness and dance with the Pacific tonight.

I told her. I have no body suit to keep warm and no suicide board with me. I would freeze to death in the waves and the sea would take me forever. She laughed and she gave me a odd smile. She brought me closer and she whispered. I will keep you safe and warm Johnnie. The moon and the sea are great friends. I will show you. The true utopia for the brave and the lucky. I told her. Okay dear Luna, you wish is my comment. Luna held my hand and she told me. Purgatory Inn can wait Johnnie. I won’t allow you to die. In my arms, you are safe.

We drank the Long Island ice teas and Luna told me. Here is your tale. At the Purgatory Inn. Only you damn Poets, Writers, Artist and Musicians need this ghastly place. The women and men never quit talking and drinking. The women are worst than the men. Angry women are more demon than human. they never sleep and they love the Jazz. My favorite lady is Moll Flanders. She lived a life, few had known. She is still a beauty who love to dance, sing and drink. She told me often. Luna, can’t save a world, that don’t want to be saved. Save yourself, find a love-sick poet and make him love you forever. Maybe Johnnie, I can find a love-sick poet who can love me? Life is chaos and foolishness Molly would say. Most people can’t see the good in their life. Even if the good, bite them in their ass. Better to find the sea and people of the sameness. Molly love the card games and I visit her sometimes. She liked the game of poker. No money at the Purgatory Inn. We play for drinks. The loser must watch the other person drink. Molly is a sweetheart. She wants me to find a tropical place, good company and dance with the great storms. You will like her Johnnie.

I asked her. Why did you befriend me? I am no-one and I want little. I love the sea, the songs and the good books. I love people who are interesting and can laugh. She smiled and she told him. You found us Johnnie. You are a dream-walker. You dream-walk into places where few eyes can truly see. You can see us and the Devil loved you. He told me. You accepted alone and you liked it. Most people believe. They need things of value. What do you own Johnnie? Just a pay-off truck and you write the great stories in your dreams. I asked her. What is the Devil real name? Luna told him. The Devil don’t like fake names, he would tell you. Call me, who I am.

We drank till 2 am and we roamed to the Monterey bay. The sea was dancing wild and crazy tonight. We walked away from the lights of the city. I watched Luna slowly stripped to bare skin. The night was chilly. maybe 60 degrees and windy. She was so beautiful. Her tall and long body, a artist wish and a poet dream. She told me. Stripped bare and come to me. I laid my clothing neatly on the sand and I went to her. She wrapped her warm body against me. I felt the heat of her breast against my chest and she whispered. We will slowly dive into the coming waves till we are deep into the sea. Hold me tightly and I will keep you safe and warm. We will find the peak of the storm and we shall dance with her.

It took 1/2 hour to reach the park of the storm Luna wanted. She never released my hand, and I was still warm. She brought me near, wrapped her body around me. We became one in body and I learn the wonder and the mystery of the storm. I felt so small and I felt safe in the arms of the sea. Luna kissed me and her eyes were so wonderful and so beautiful. I told her. Thank you dear Luna for allowing me to be with you. She smiled and she whispered. My dancing poet. I love you too and thank you for joining me tonight. The big storms teaches us. Nature, the sea is more than us.

 “chapter three”

                   We become, who we supposed to be..

I was station at Fort Ord, California for one year now. It was late September 1992. I wasn’t seeking love, I was seeking adventure. I was lucky. I found three people seeking the same things. We were seeking the big storms, free-climbing every mountain near and dancing on the dangerous edges of living. I befriended many in the city of Monterey. I read three days week now, in Pacific Grove, Monterey and Santa Cruz book stores. I became the Dark Poet of the Irish Pub on the pier. It is amazing what you can find if you can see with real vision. There are gods, demons and spirits around us.

Me, my friend Padget, Beautiful Gail and Red. We called him Red because this is what he wanted. He was six foot four inches, large in body, red hair and he hated his name Robert. Padget was Baltimore born and he hated the Army. Gail was my dearest friend. Always willing to join me in my crazy adventures. We decided to go to Santa Cruz on the four day weekend. Red told us. We can do the acid on Thursday and it will be out of the body by Tuesday. I told him. This time, I will be the watcher. Keep your big ugly ass safe Red. He laughed at my words and he told me. I didn’t know you are my mama?  I told him, I was his mama.

We left at noon for Santa Cruz on Thursday. We bought a boatload of whiskey, tequila and rum. We brought our sleeping bags, just in case, we were too nuts, too drunk to drive back to Monterey. We could sleep on a beach somewhere. We arrived at the lively city of Santa Cruz at one pm and I found a safe parking space near the Santa Cruz boardwalk. We went to the Pacific and we watched the college kids having fun and raising hell. All of us carry the alcohol in a backpack. We drank and drank till dust was near. Two college girls joined us and they drank till they blind with craziness. The girl stripped to bra and panties and they danced with the sea. Gail and I joined them. Padget and Red joined the girls. The college girls name were Laura and Patti. They told us. We can find Adam. He is cool and his acid is safe. Me and Padget followed the girls into the city. We found a coffee shop and the girls ran to the man Adam. Adam was cool, he asked a few questions and he told us. Be careful with my acid. Pure and you will see everything. We paid him a hundred dollars and he gave us a small bag with small papers colored in red and blue. We thanks him and we wandered to the beach again. Laura and Patti were very happy  and we would stop at every street performer and they would dance and laugh. Padget told me. Johnnie, this is going to be a good night. Thank you for taking us here. You are the best.

The dust came and I opened the small bag. Adam told us. One hit will make you see better, three hits, you will see everything. I gave Red and Padget four hits. I gave Gail and the girls. Three hits and I took one. We were drinking less now and we watched the sea. I held Gail and she was singing softly. Red was running up and down the beach like a crazy man. Yelling death was coming for him. Padget was holding the two girls and they will kissing and enjoying the night. It was a wild and good night. Gail asked me. Is Red alright? I told her. Red being Red. Always acting loco.

Patti told me. Look at Red. He is running into the sea. I think I see a man in the sea? Can you see him Johnnie? I got-up, tossed-off my shoes and I took off my shirt. I tossed my wallet and keys to Gail. I told her. I will go gather Red. Red was 20 feet into the sea and I ran to him. I wrapped my arms around him and I told him. Please calm down Red. He looked scare and he told me. Death wants me and he pointed at a man in the distance. I never saw Red scared before. I dragged him to the beach and Gail and Padget took him to a safe distance. The girls helped and they tried to talk Red down.

I went back into the sea with a bottle of tequila and some cut lemons in a bag. I went to the man. He was about 50 feet into the sea. He was well-dressed, not wet and he gave me a great smile. He had a jolly face and was not old. When I got closer, I saw the blackest of eyes and he told me. Hello Dark Poet. You have the drink of the Gods. The tequila given to us by the desert plants. He wore a dress shirt and cargo shorts. I asked him. You know my name and I don’t know your name? I handed him the bottle of tequila and he took the bottle. He drank heavily and he smiled. He told me. My name is Simon and I am honored to meet  Dark Poet, friend of the Devil, Luna and Lilith. I saw on his back a banjo and I asked. Why are you in the sea? Do you play the banjo?  He drank more tequila and he told me. I am here for Red. Time for Red to walk with me tonight. I told him. Red is staying where he is. I am here and what do you want? Padget, Gail and the girls watched from the distance and they called to me. Johnnie, come to us. Red said the man is death.

I turned to him. Are you death Simon? He smiled and he told me. Luna told me, you were wonderful. You were a seer and a dream-walker. You write dead-man poetry. My favorite kind of poetry. Love never honored my life and I am always busy. We have talked before. Once you wanted death and I whispered to you. You ain’t done yet. I like you Johnnie, you have no fear inside your body and heart. Few brave men. Few men and women want to see the truth. You loved to dance on death edge. This is when we learn. We are more than we believe. He drank more tequila and I asked. Do you have other names, do you have other faces? He smiled and he whispered. You are very wise. Some call me the caretaker, the  angel of death and I like to be called the caretaker. I believe. I have great responsibility. People fear death, they shouldn’t. Death will come to us and if we lived a good life. Maybe, you won’t be hell-bound. I asked him. Am I hell-bounded?

He laughed and he told me. The Devil told me. You love to talk and you can see everything. Few dream writers Johnnie. Always have a notebook near your bed. Dreams seem to fade away if we don’t write them down. Will you write me a story Johnnie, make Simon a immortal? I want to become a immortal. No-one wants to be forgotten. I told him, I would write him a long story. He smiled and he asked me. What can I do for you? I am enjoying my time with you. I wish I knew you would make a appearance in Santa Cruz tonight. I would of wrote a song for you. I asked him to leave Red alone and sing me a Elvis love song. He danced upon the water and he smiled. He told me. I do love the Elvis songs. He begin to sing the song “Teddy bear”. His voice was beautiful. He caressed the banjo with skill and he sang the complete song. I clapped my hands and I told him. You are amazing Simon. He held the tequila tightly with his left hand and he took my right hand. He told me. Live  Johnnie, live for me. You will be saved often and you will save many. Remember Johnnie, a man who save one person knows happiness and a man who saved many. Can know peace. I must wander away and he turned and he wandered into the dancing Pacific with the bottle of tequila. I watched him disappear and I wondered. Did I lose my mind?

I went to the beach and Gail ran to me. She hugged me tightly and Padget hugged us both. The two girls held Red and he was okay now. We sat together, drank less, talked little and we try to understand the night.

I went back to Monterey on Friday and I told Lilith and Luna about Santa Cruz. They laughed at my words and they told me. Simon is so cool. He loved tomfoolery and your friend Red. Was lucky. Rarely does death give second chances. You got a song too. Luna held my hand and she whispered. In this life. Demons, Gods, Angels and Spirits among us. We never know who is near. Always better to be kind, drink more and dance with the sea as often as we can. The Devil is in Mexico City and we had decided. Me and Lilith. You will join us in the dance with the sea tonight. Maybe a great storm is a-coming? Are you brave enough to join us? I told her. Would be my honor dear ladies.

Coyote