The crying woman… Chapter eight to the ending.

 The crying woman- Chapter eight

We relaxed till four thirty pm. We talked little and I went swimming alone and I enjoyed the chill of the water. Lawrence left and he returned with three books and he changed the music. I liked the music, no words, just music, taking me to a better place and time. I saw myself swimming in the Monterey Bay with my father waving to me.  After I spend one hour in the pool, I went and I sat with him. He told me. You are my Irish girl dream dear Carolina. Your hair of ginger like a resting sea-maiden near the sea. Your eyes, ever-changing and I know your mind always moving and wandering. You are a restless soul and you were held captured for too many years. I have a gift for you. He handed me three books. Hemingway, ” Moveable feast”, Jack Kerouac “Big Sur” and Jack London book “When Gods laugh”. I told him. I love the books and what is this wonderful music Lawrence? The music is Frederic Chopin he told me. He whispered dear Aunti Emma make him create and I love the three books. Hemingway told us the truth and we didn’t listen. Jack London words are so damn true. London told us, most men learn too late. We cannot win. God always win. We are just sheep being led to the slaughter. Better to be the wolf chasing the prey than trying to escape. Better to die with your pride in tact, not begging for mercy from the gods who had forgotten us. This is our decision dear Carolina. You asked me earlier. What do I want from you? This late afternoon, a slow dance near the pool and for us to enjoy some wine and some good food. I need some tomfoolery dear Carolina. He stood-up and he asked for a dance. I stood-up and I fell into his arms. He was still good looking, in his early fifties, dark brown skin and the blackest hair and eyes I ever seen. We danced to the flowing music and I liked the feel of his body near. He told me. You feel like a tropical paradise, a wonder lust dreams and a dangerous sea. Are you siren or muse dear Carolina? I laughed at his words and I told him. I could be both.

 We went to the kitchen. The food of spicy seafoods and the rib-eye steaks wrapped tightly and smelling so good. A large salad was prepared and two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine were waiting. I ate the meal slowly and Lawrence watched me. He laughed and he told me. Dear Carolina. You will become a Reno’s legend. You enjoy the pleasures of life. We must Carolina. We had light conversation and we drank the red wine. A woman came and she cleaned the table and he told me. Time to prepare for the night. Thank you beautiful Carolina for the wonderful day.

I went to a private room and I found some new clothing. A silky black dress, black stockings, silky panties and bra. I caressed the softness of the material and I felt hot and sexy for the first time in 10 years. I laughed at my thoughts. I told the mirror, seeing herself in the bathing suit. I feel passion in my old bones and I smiled and I laughed. I dressed slowly and I twirled in front of the mirror in the black dress. I told the mirror. Am I pretty? I went to the kitchen and Lawrence turned and he saw me. He told me. Your smile, your laughter, for me is ambrosia. He came to me and he told me. Tonight will be your last night in the hotel Carolina. If you want? I can find you a apartment in Midtown. I smiled and I looked sad. I have nothing to give you back in return Lawrence. He embrace me tightly and he whispered. Life is give and take. I know Carolina, everything we want, cost something. Sometime can cost us everything we loved or believe worthwhile.

 The crying woman- Chapter nine

We went to the jazz club and the music was wonderful. The club had a dance floor and after the many drinks kicks in. We danced to the music. We danced for hours and he would steal a kiss and tell me. I was beautiful. I felt good for the first time in years. He held my hands and he told me. A early night dear Carolina. He took me back to the hotel at twelve midnight and he told me. I will see you tomorrow dear Carolina and thank you for the wonderful night. I went to my room light-headed and I heard someone crying. I followed the sound of the crying and in the deep hallway of the hotel was a crying woman with her head in her lap. She looked-up and she told me. They will give you everything, steal and steal from your soul and your beliefs. You will learn to love greed, lust and gluttony and you will forget everything you loved and knew. The Devil dresses in fancy suits and they can twist the truth and he can spin a lie. If you stay. Reno, the Devil’s den will add you to her numbers of people lost in the lost and found. Never to be found again. You will die alone. I went to touch her and she got-up quickly. She walked away from me and she disappeared into the air in the distance. I thought I was losing my mind and I returned to my room.

I stripped to bare-ass and I climbed into my bed. I wondered, should I stay or leave? Was the crying woman, a warning? I fell asleep and I awoke at seven am. There was a envelope with fifteen hundred dollar bills and a note. Marcello wrote her. Lawrence is vey happy. He told me to tell you. Have everything you own packed and ready. Today at noon, he will take you to your new home. I left the hotel and I called my mother. She asked me, where did you get the money, honey? I told her. I found  a good job and I heard sadness in her voice. I asked her, what is wrong mom after a long silence. With sadness in her voice, she told me. Paul came with a court order and the court gave him 100% rights to Silvia. He took her away and she was crying your name. When will you return home? I started to cry and my mother asked. Are you going to be alright honey?  I told her. I will be alright and I am sending you a thousand dollars today. Please buy your medicine and I love you mom. She told me. Thank you for the money dear. The bills are pay and I have enough food to cook and eat. I miss you. Remember, you will always be my baby girl. I told her. If you need anything, please ask Mama. She told me. All I want is you to be alright, we can overcome this and baby girl. I am here for you always.

I found my breakfast restaurant and I ate lightly. I wanted to cry and I knew. There was nothing I could do. I went to the coffee shop and Lawrence joined me. He asked me. Dear Carolina, are you okay? I smiled and I told him. I am okay, just some family problems. He looked serious and he asked. Do you need help? I told him, thank you Marcello. I create a mess and I must live in the mess, I create. He took my hands and he told me. Thank you for making Lawrence happy. You are my angel and he told me. You made a old man smile. I was thinking. My heart was broken and today I felt empty and alone. I hated everything in this second and I had nothing to lose no-more. Maybe Reno was my place now? I thanks Marcell and he tossed a twenty dollar bill on the table for my coffee. He smiled and he told me. Best way to feel better. Buy something new and beautiful. I left him and I went to the Western Union. I send the thousand dollars to my mother and I found a fancy dress shop. I fell in love with a knee-high and sleeveless peach colored dress and I bought peach colored shoes. I bought some black silky stocking and I stood in my new dress and shoes. I looked into the mirror and I told myself. Fuck everything, fuck everybody.

The crying woman-  Chapter ten

I went back to the hotel room. I packed slowly and the new dresses, I left on the hangers. I tossed away my old bras and underwear. I held a old pair of my underwear. I laughed and I told myself. No-more grandma underwear and bras. My three old dresses I kept. They were cotton and in the Reno hot days. Needed the light Summer dresses. I took a long shower and I put on my new peach dress and I loved the feel of the dress again my skin. The lady at the store told me. Made with China silk and I was the most beautiful lady in Reno. I had two suitcases were filled-up and I held my two dresses. Lawrence came at noon and he helped me put the suitcases into the car. He told me. He loved my dress, made my hair look like a wild Summer day. Made my pale skin come alive and so tempting. He asked me, was I okay? I looked away from him and I told him. A hard morning and my first tears begin to fall. He came to me and he hugged me gently and he told me. The world can be shit sometimes dear Carolina. We must attempt to make the world better. We must paint our world colorful and hopeful, where we can win sometimes.

He took me to the new town houses in Midtown and he helped me carry my suitcases and dresses into the house. We stood at the door and he handed me some keys. He told me. This is your home now, if you want? Your old car is fixed and the car is in the garage. Let’s look at your new home. I unlocked the door and I saw a brand-new clean and perfect home. The house was lightly furniture and had many windows. I loved the Mexican art on the walls and I wandered into the modern kitchen. The kitchen was ready. Had a coffee maker, three-piece toaster maker and was fully stocked with food. I went to the bedroom, a king size bed facing the window and a large shiny bathroom. We went to the living room and we sat in the leather furniture and I told Lawrence. I love the house. He told me. I left the house lightly with furniture and artwork. You can decide what you need. I bought you a  boat load of books, on the bookshelf. I hope you like. I held silence, not believing this to be true. He went to the small bar in the right corner of the living room and he made some drinks. He told me. I ensured, you have a good assortment of good drink. Sometime with the heat of Reno. Better to stay home and leave the heat outside. I have your Johnnie Walker, many tasty rums and tequila. He brought two Tom Collins and two double shots of the Johnnie Walker. He gave me the drinks and he told me. Do you like Carolina? If you want to stay. We will toast to your new home and your new life. I raised the Johnnie Walker to the sky and we touched glasses. I told him. To my new home, my new friends and my new life. I hope and pray better than yesterday. We drank the whiskey and I told him. Thank you Lawrence for being with me and the shit, we learn to swim in.

Lawrence went to the bar and he brought back the Johnnie Walker and he poured the glasses filled again. They touch glasses and drank the whiskey. He told her. Can I do anything for you? She smiled and she told him. Please take me to the king size bed, get me naked and make me forget who I am. He laughed at her words and he told her. We must do something first. I have seen darks things and I have seen the light. Now I do things to make me feel better, more prettier. The ancient people been using for 5000 years. The dream gun make the messy world seem far away. He took my hand and we walked toward the bedroom. I waited on the bed as Lawrence prepared a ivory and fancy opium pipe. He had a large case with some tools. I watched him lite the pipe and he loaded a white/brown chemical into the pipe. He asked me. Have you done opium Carolina. Opium is cool, your opium dreams belong to you. No-one can take them. He sat with me and I took the pipe. I smoke slowly, shallowing the smoke deeply. I smoke the pipe four times and I took deep breathe feeling my mind, my body become lighter. I saw him smiling as I laid upon the bed. He took off my shoes, caressed my feet for a long time. He watched my eyes closed and I wandered away to wild dreams. I remember rising up, I took off my dress, my panties and released my bra. I laid nude upon the bed and Lawrence stripped off his clothing and he joined me on the bed. He caressed my legs, my stomach and my breasts. I remembered long kisses and many hands on my willing skin. I fell into the opium dreams and my body came alive. I felt like I was dancing freely without doubt of my needs. I remembered Lawrence whispering to me. You are so beautiful Carolina.

 

Almost done with the tale. When we have nothing to give away. Can you steal from us?

 

                             The crying woman- Chapter eleven

I awoke in the night alone and I had the soft cotton sheets covering my nude body. My body was sore and I remembered bodies, moving, fighting and interlacing into one. I remember feeling free, feeling good. I don’t know. I believe I saw other faces too. My body felt used-up and I liked the feeling. Me and my ex-husband had a cold marriage. He left me three years ago and I didn’t date. I had to work and work some more. I was alone and I didn’t care. The needs of my body was forgotten. Now I remember them and I told myself. Never gain will I allow disappointment to stop me from being a woman. Last night was like a wild dream and I wanted more. Lawrence appeared with a cup of strong and black coffee. He told me. I must escape for one day and I will return tomorrow night.  I left you a credit card and some money. Please buy some more black silky stockings. I like to take them off your legs. I love to see your pale beautiful legs. I laughed at him and I asked him. Did you have fun with me last night Lawrence? He smiled and he told me. You are my ambrosia, my nectar dear Carolina. You painted a forever memory in my mind. A wonderful memory.

He left me alone in the large new house and I took a long bath and she allowed her body to relax. I tried to remember the night and I saw dreams of hands, faces and my body feeling wonderful. After the bath, I laid in my bed and I wondered where my daughter was? I wondered what have I become. I remember the opium now. It took away my fear and I felt like a free bird in the large blue sky. At nine am. The phone awoke her and Marcello told on on the phone. At noon, my friend Lilith and Thomas will stop by. They will bring spicy seafood and a large salad. Please don’t eat. You will enjoy the Asia seafood. Best restaurant in Reno prepared. Please make them feel welcome in Reno. I love you Carolina and have some fun. She wondered about his words. Make them happy?

The arrived at noon with many plates of food. They were young and beautiful. Lilith was perfect, large breasts, small waist, long blond hair  and  amazing tanned legs. The bluest eyes I ever seen. She came to me and she kissed me long and sweetly. She told Thomas, she is more beautiful than Marcello said. Thomas was tall, he had gray eyes and was strong and muscular. He was well-mannered and he had a kind and gentle voice. He came to me and he kissed my hand. He told me. It is my delight to meet a ginger hair beauty. I do like those ginger hair beauties. I turned red and he laughed. He told Lilith. She is more than perfect. Let’s eat before the food is cold. Lilith open the red wine and Thomas spread out the many dishes of the seafood, rice and a large salad on the large table. Lilith told me. Lawrence told us. You were a goddess and it is true. Let’s eat. They ate slowly and they talks about everything that didn’t matter. I like this. Lilith told me. I was a model, now I travel and I find new things to enjoy. Thomas is a painter of woman. He will ensure your face, your body will never be forgotten. He liked you and how is the food? I told her. The food is so amazing and thank you for bringing the food to my home. Lilith asked me. Carolina, do you dance? I love dancing and I brought a new Leonard Cohen tape. Thomas is a poor dancing but he does his best. I was having a great time. The food was perfect and the wine was delicious. 

I danced with Thomas first and he held me softly, kissing my neck and my face. Lilith divided us up and she brought me closer. She asked me. Having fun sweet woman? I told her yes. We danced for many songs and she held long kisses with me and I adored her. I never kissed a woman before and I knew from my friends. Only a woman knows how to kiss. She whispered to me. Lawrence promised us the best China opium in the whole world. Can we do dear Carolina? I said okay and I wondered what would be the final outcome of this be? I brought the kit to Thomas and he prepared the pipe. He told Lilith. Lawrence using the ivory pipe we gave him. I am glad. Lilith came to be and I loved how her bare feet moved with the song. Her skin was soft and pleasure to feel against my skin when we slowed dance to Leonard Cohen songs. Thomas gave the pipe to Lilith first and she took three slow deep breathe of the opium and she gave me the pipe. I took four deep breathe, slowing allowing the smoke to take over my body. Lilith dropped her dress, she was bra-less and panty-less. Her body was perfect and she moved slowly with the music. Capturing my eyes and my mind. Lilith dance bare-ass, encircling the room and Thomas breathe in the opium and he was smiling and laughing at Lilith. I released my dress and I took off my panties and bra. Thomas asked. Please keep the black hosier on. I left him on and I joined Lilith in the wild and free dance. Thomas took his clothing off and he watched us. It was like a dream. We fell upon the bed and I felt soft kisses on my skin. I felt many hands on my skin, making me scream with delight and pleasure. I remember seeing Lilith face and Thomas riding me hard. I fell into a wild and twisted dream. I remember bodies being twisted and wanting more. It seem more dream-like than true. I wondered is life, sin, sin and more sin. I didn’t want to stop. The day faded into night and I awoke alone at two am. I was nude still and I wandered to the bathroom. I took a long bath and I dressed in a t-shirt. I went to the living room and I poured a large shot of the Johnnie walker. I drank the whiskey till the bottle was empty. I went to bed, not knowing who I was or who I will be now?

The crying woman- Chapter twelve

I awoke at nine am. I drank two cups of black coffee and I tried to remember the night. Marcello called me at nine thirty am and he said. Hello dear Carolina and how are you? Lawrence will return at six pm at you home. I would like to see you at noon, if possible? I told him okay, I am fine and how are you? He told me. I am fine dear Carolina. Please look good, please smell good and I look forward to seeing you. I asked him. What am I doing today? He told me. You are already a Reno legend and I want you to meet some new people. I took a quick shower, I put on my blue thong and low-cut blue bra. I would wear the blue dress, make my body look more strong and tempting. I roll on the blue silky stockings and I wondered. What was I doing?

Marcello send a car to pick me up at eleven thirty. The driver was polite and he took me to a private club. Many men and women of all ages, races and color were drinking, talking and watching each other. They were well-dressed and well-mannered. Marcello found me and he introduced me to Andrea. A gorgeous red hair woman with big tits, small waist and a large ass. She hugged me and her dark brown eyes dig into my eyes. She kissed my face and my lips. She told. I believe I have fell in love with you already. She told Marcello. She is a delight, not spoiled by the Devil’s den yet. Let’s go to my private room and Marcello, you can go elsewhere. She took me to a beautiful room. Many soft seats around the room and long single bed in the center. There were no mirrors. she went to the corner and she prepared a opium pipe of many colors of ivory and larger than Lawrence pipe. She told me. I heard you like the Dream gun. Me too Carolina. Before I found Reno. I made money for  large companies and now I work less, make more money and play more. We must learn. Everybody want something. What do you want Carolina? Is life waiting for death or should we dance with death? I smoked the opium first taking four deep breathe. She laughed at me and she told me. Be careful dear Carolina. Opium is tricky. I buy the best you can buy and you must allow Aunti Emma to slowly take you. She took two deep breathe and I felt her hands dancing on my skin. I felt the warmness of her lips against my lips. I remembering wanting more and I remembered many hands upon my skin, twisted faces and bodies moving against my body in a wild dance. It seem to last forever and I awoke alone in my bed and I realized. I was just meat, just skin and flesh to be used. The saddest part. I didn’t care. I had a house, food, money for the first time in my life. I told myself, working for rich men and women. I was a low paid whore in California. I know what I become. A high paid whore in Reno.

 

We become what we suppose to be. Can’t save someone. Who don’t want to be saved.

 

                              Crying woman- chapter thirteen. Maybe last chapter???

I have lived in Reno three months now. I don’t work Sunday or Monday and I still send money to my mother in California. She had the cancer and I pray the treatments can help her. My ex-husband won’t allow me to speak to my daughter. Lawrence gave me the paperwork. The house I live in. Is my house now. I still can make Lawrence smile and I have learn new bad habits. I drink more and I love the opium. I need the opium now, I do before I can sleep. If I don’t, I can’t sleep. I don’t mind the sex. Once I thought love was everything. Love didn’t save me, love broke my heart, my body and my mind once. I am a lion now. I befriend people with class and cash. I have learn many things in Reno. I can do the tango, a skilled belly dancer and I learn. Women control all things. Marcello and I are special friends now. I have learn men and women like so many things. I love to dance now and kind Lilith come over on Sunday mornings. We stay bare-assed, drink and we do the opium. Thomas rarely visits. He told me once. I am in the way pretty lady and he is my Monday delight when Lawrence is gone on Monday. I cry sometimes. I know I miss my daughter’s smile and my mother’s laughter. The crying woman was right. Reno is the devil’s den. It will take and take till you forget your face and you give-up everything you loved. I haven’t give-up yet. I want to find my daughter, give her everything I have and owned. I work less now. I am call a high class call girl. Pretty words for high class whore. I fear one day, my daughter will see what I am? Nothing but flesh and bones to be used and left. It is okay. I have accepted my life.

Done. Thank you Carolina. Please don’t forget me. I need someone to remember me.——

I  put down the thirteen page and I remember my friend Cheryl. I wondered how she lived? How did she die? I packed my bags and I loaded my truck. I went to the coffee shop looking for Carolina. I knew I would find her. It was ten am and I saw her sitting alone, watching the people going by. I went to her and I saw in her eyes. They were filled with sadness and loneliness. I asked her. Can I sit with you Carolina? She asked me. You didn’t want me last night, Johnnie, I ain’t pretty enough for you? Please sit with me. I told her. You are so beautiful, so filled with anger and sadness. I wanted you to feel safe. She looked into my eyes. I loved how you caressed my face and my hair. You sang me a love song, didn’t you? Could you sing for me now? I sang to her. “We are travelers, born alone, we will learn to walk with another. We will know love, we will know heartbreak. Maybe if we are lucky. Someone will be kind to us?” She smiled and she told me. I wished I found a good man like you when I was young and brave. Maybe love would have touched my heart? I asked her, could we take a walk and talk. We could go to the river and we could drink our coffee there. Pretend we are old lovers. I want to know you and I can stay in Reno another day. Maybe I can take you home to your mother? Your thirteen pages gave me a glimpse of you. I want to know more dear Carolina. She laughed at my words. She told me. You damn soldier/poets believe you can save the world. Save the lady in distress. You can’t. I can teach you pain and suffering now only. I have no home in California. My mother died of cancer two years ago and my ex-husband is living in Chicago, I believe. In the Devil’s den, no angels sweetie. If you stay with me. Will you befriend me, write me love letters and tell me I am the only one? I told her. Yes I would.

She gave me a real smile and I asked for a simple date. I want to hold you hands, steal soft kisses and I want to tell you a thousand times. How beautiful you are. I want to make you feel young and adored. I held her right hand and I told her. I have sin, drank too much and I have knew anger. You and I are more the same than different. She laughed loudly and she told me. I love you Johnnie. I understand why the Devil don’t want you. You are a hopeful and dreamy man. Maybe foolish? You make me believe kisses are sweet as September wine. I would spend a day with you my dear soldier and you promise not to break my heart and steal everything I own. She laid her face into my chest and I caressed her like a child. I kissed her forehead and her lips softly. I whispered to her. You and I. Just dancing Raven upon the dark night. Maybe we can find a safe place dear Carolina. If I can save you, I will save myself dear lady.

Johnnie/Coyote