For my Brothers, Chuck and Scott.. God was never on your side.

God was never on your side..

I wrote into many journals. Bastards like me, can’t feel and they don’t know fear.

I never had a heart till it was too late. Too late for kind words, too late for forgiveness.

Men who love drink, adventure and war. One day. They will learn.

You are alone.

My second brother committed suicide in 1989 and I learn too late.

God wasn’t on their sides. They saw only shit and more shit.

They depended on drugs to stay alive and one day.

Drugs could not save them. The cold world scared them to seeking death.

Many times in my life. I heard the whispers. Death is sweet, death is sweet.

Life is bullshit. I was the angry man and I told death many times. Not today.

Took me many wars, took me learning. You need reason and purpose.

Drink, the road and war is a sickness.

In the tropical forest of Honduras. I learn, life was more than me.

I adopted five children and I learn to be kind and listen.

Today I hope one day. I will find Scott and Chuck.

I will tell them. I am sorry for being a teacher, not a brother.

I tell anyone who will listen. Do what my dear Grandfather taught me.

Lead with concern, kindness and listen. Be a friend, not a judge.

Be a safe haven for family and friends. The world is hard enough already.

Thank you for reading.

John