I have learn too late. The words not spoken and the letters never written. Are written too late and become meaningless words.

I knew you when we were fleeing from ourselves and we were damn to the booze and the drugs. Everything we held precious had turn to shit and instead of curling up and dying.

We found salvation in each other arms. We were seeking and finding things that were leading us into a inferno of no return. Where saints and sinners find similar corridors of the shade of love promises that cannot be kept.

We laid in beds of hidden rooms in the dark motels seizing the last grasp at desperate needs. We learned too late. The flesh demand payment. When two people are twisted up their last hope, bodies pressed together trying to find redemption where there is none. We didn’t know. Can’t find a savior when you cannot be together in the light.

Early Fall came and I went into deep hiding. I left you without words and hanging upon  an thin tight rope. The last time I saw you was in late Fall. You ran to me and embraced me. You told me. I miss and love you Johnnie. I said no words and released you. Your sad eyes wanted more and you saw I wasn’t willing to pronounce all I held dear to my heart away for the journey into a unknown place.

In late Winter of the next year somewhere out west. You took your life. You escaped your prison of drugs and rejection. You had left Michigan and you went to Vegas. Found colder and more heartless den of strangers.

Could I had saved you? I don’t know. Some of us are born dead and can warm-up with old age and lessons learned.

I tell the kids. We will play saint and sinner often. Every kiss and touch become another layer added to us. We will pay for every deed and sin. Be careful where the shade of love can fall. Hidden and secret love that can’t see the light of day. We must keep at-bay.
Coyote?John Castellenas