My father told me. Men don’t cry.  We accept life-like good soldiers and stand tall in the hard days. I saw my father cry for three lost boys to drugs and hard times. I saw my father holding his sick baby girl who die at eighteen months. My father did cry.

I was like my father. Stone-cold and hard. I lived life without fear and caring for my final ending. In 1988 and in 1989. Hard man learn  life wasn’t him. He wasn’t so important.  Suicide of two brothers made cold heart turn soft. Too late to had listen, too late to had pay attention. Too late to had shown kindness, concern and love.

My father told me. God forgive foolish men and he teaches us. We are a part of life. What we leave behind is the true wealth of a life. Men are foolish . We think are the kings of the forest and one day. We understand. Love, friends and family are the gold of a good life.

I was pissed-off and I found wars to fight. Not brave enough for suicide. I sought war and turmoil to find my final end.  I remember my Father took me to the airport. I was to be deployed for Iraq. I walked away from him at the airport in Virginia. I turned around and I saw my father’s tears fall for me.

In the mist of war. I re-learn laughter and I learn. Life was sweeter than death. My father told me once. Men don’t cry. We accept life-like good soldiers. He also taught me. When we love. Love will teach us how to cry. If you have a family one day son. You will know many tears.

I told my grandchild. Men don’t cry and I regret the words spoke.

John Castellenas/Coyote