Young love, first love. Can expand too quickly. Leaving two people with no place to go. Love isn’t fair. Need the unities of two people living and dying for the want and need of love. The balance of love is held by the threads of tender words and a thousand kisses.  Neglected love is dying love. Dying love is like a runaway train to hell. No place to go except tears and loneliness.

I lost my first love in the late Winter of 1978. I went into hiding for months and I learned love was painful and can falter. Leaving me with the education. All love wasn’t true. I went crazy for a while than I started running. I ran six to eight miles a day and I free climbed every hill or mountain near. I lived in an apartment in Sindelfingen, Germany.

It was early Spring and the warm days were arriving. I was sitting amidst the new Spring wildflowers. I was dead to all pleasure except writing and running. My true love was gone and I needed only my pen and paper. I have quit  drinking and I was waiting for something or someone to give me hope again.

The wildflowers were amazing, colorful and alive. I heard a voice and I turned and I saw Brigitte near. Sweet Brigitte, a sweet and kind friend for many years came to me looking pissed off and sad. She asked. Where have you been? I told her. I was okay. She asked me. I heard you went crazy. The Army wanted to kick you out. You were fighting and drinking?  I stood up and hugged her. I told her. The Army Doctors gave me good medicine. I quit taking them after three days. Better to be mad than numb. I run now. Six to eight miles a day. I qualifies for the Army running team in Europe. I’m fine.

Dear Brigitte cradle me like a baby and she told me. She was no good. You deserved better. Why didn’t you come to me? I searched for you. I would have took care of you. I told her. I wanted nothing. What can be done with leftovers?

Brigitte kissed my face and lips. She held me tightly in a deadly silence. I watched the wildflowers dance in the wind. I embraced her and I told her. I have nothing left. What can you do with me?

She whispered to me. You have me and I have you. I want to make you laugh, sing and dance again. I want us to drink good beer and wine till dawn and I want your body near me and safe.  I saw love and kindness in her teary eyes.

I told her. I would try my Brigitte. Thank you beautiful Brigitte. You are my wildflower dream today and forever.

Coyote/John Castellenas