(For Susana Chavez Castillo-Mexican Poet-Please don’t forget her)

       The Poet’s Love- Life, God and men.

Lawrence rarely talked of his wife. He had left the old days behind and forgotten. His nurse Liliam told Paloma years back. Doctor Lawrence loved  his wife. She was a Natural Honduras beauty. Long black hair down to her lower back and dark brown eyes. She was sweet and kind to everyone. His wife, Anna, was his pride and joy. He would cater to all her needs and wills. He would never complain. He told her daily. She was his sun and his moon. She gave him strength and hope. Liliam believed he knew she was fragile and a rare and gentle flower. She was never strong in health and the hard life of Honduras took her toll on her. When the cancer took hold of her. He tried to heal her with the normal medicine. He watched her die slow and painful. After her death. He swore to find the cure to cancer. He was one of few Doctors who used the herbalist to stop the cancer. He and Elena had saved many men and women. When the people came to him with cancer.  He told them. We must first heal the mind, then the body. Need prayers, internal strength and the herbs of the tropical forest for them to survive. He knew the people who loved life, could survive. The people who had accepted death. They die. He was very wise man. He had called Paloma in Spain and he told her. Please come to Trujillo. Johnnie is very sick and if she was near. He could fight and live. Without her. He would die.

Paloma response quickly with a letter and a phone call. Johnnie and I. We are connected dear Lawrence. He fought and killed for me. I owe him everything. I will leave tonight and I will be in Trujillo on Wednesday. Leo lived in Trujillo now. He and Elena became very close. She had stayed with him for three months during his fight against the cancer. She never left his side and he told her often.  She was a kind and gentle angel. He had create many paintings of her by the Trujillo bay. The painting were beautiful, showing Elena Honduras mountain woman look, long black hair and the darkest eyes he ever seen. He had loved her for many months and slowly she allowed him in. She was a painter’s dream. She love to dance, drink and sing. She would pose for him, at his will.

Leo told Lawrence. Trujillo is my last stop. The old man had accepted paradise of Trujillo as his home.   Lawrence smiled and he told him. Me too, my old friend.

Everybody was present at the Trujillo night festival. The four sat together by the bay at the midnight hour. Loud song and dancing was in the near distance. Paloma was holding Leo and Johnnie hand. Lawrence reached over and he hugged the three tightly. He told them. I’m thankful for these days and nights. 30 years ago, Johnnie came into my life and Leo brought Paloma to us. We have seen the world change often and I believe the world would always be changing. It is sad the good deeds are forgotten or remembered. The demons and devils are re-born as soon as the old demons and devils are dead. We have survived war, sickness and hurricanes. Sometime I believe God to be a jokester.  He make us believe we have everything and know everything. Then he teach us. We are just sparks of an endless fire.

Paloma looked very sad and she said in a quiet voice. Dear Lawrence, I have seen the devils and you are right. When one devil is gone, a new one appeared. It is so much sadness and heartache in our world. I tried to change my world and I believe I did nothing. On the borders of Mexico. They are still using, abusing and killing the young girls on the borders and nothing had changed. The people of this world. Blind to the abuse of women in 40 countries where women have no rights. I believe I was just pissing in the wind and no-one cared. Leo reached over and he kissed her forehead, face-cheeks and lips. He told her. Your life and hope isn’t forgotten. Your face and words pasted on every walls in every city in Mexico. Because of you. Many are fighting for the weak and the forgotten. You set the example. Is Martin Luther King Jr. forgotten? Is Susana Chavez Castillo forgotten? You made men like me react. I accepted the young girls dying in the whore houses and the drugs running wild. I remember you in Mexico city. You told be to grasp my balls, open my eyes and do some good dear painter. When I saved you. I saved myself. I learn  a few can turn a world upside down. You taught me writers, painters and singers can show the world the darkness of light and the light of hope.

Johnie watched the faces of his friends. He had become a real writer now. Writing poetry and story for the internet and he was trying to find forgiveness. The cancer made him learn. Need books finished and poetry gathered into some books before it is too late. He had seen the darkness of life, the darkness of war and he had done more bad things than good. He asked his friends. Can someone be saved? Can someone be forgiven for their bad deeds and actions. Paloma took his hands and she kissed each one. She told him. Johnnie, after you saved me in Mexico City. I knew you went mad. You hated your father’s bad temper and you never wanted to kill. Your father killed many in war and in real life. You had pride yourself on controlling your temper and keeping violence away.  When I saw you in Trujillo. I asked you to come to Spain with me. You told me. I can’t dear Paloma. I need some salvation. I love you dear Paloma. You are my life and only kindness I had ever known. I was glad when you volunteered for Africa for President Clinton. I still have the letters. Your wrote to me. You were very tire. You cooked in the early morning for the people in need and you delivered food, water and medicine to nearby cities. You told me in the letter. I haven’t touched a gun in two years and I’m okay. Africa will break your heart and I hope I’m doing some good. I won’t re-enlist. After this tour is over. I’m done with the Army.

Do you remember after Africa? We met in Trujillo. You wanted me to come to Michigan and I wanted you to come to Spain. I told you. Spain is my home and we could drink good wine for many years and die of old age and content in my village. I told you if you wanted and needed me. Please come to Spain. You went back to Michigan to take care of your grandparent. I went home to Spain and begin to write poetry again. You and I. We were two fools. We should had found equal ground and lived a full life. You and I. We were the raven and the coyote. Her eyes become filled with tears and she whispered. I prayed daily for you to find peace and salvation. He took her face and he kissed her often and he told her. I believe your prayers will be enough.

Lawrence laughed and he told them. God is like Tom Foolery. He will test us, show us darkness and show us happiness. In the ending. All men and women will find death. Better for us to dance, drink and sing till the end. I don’t blame God. God gave men free-will. Free-will for man-kind is like feeding raw meat to wild animals and believe they can be tamed. Men use and abuse power and forget. Every person had value. Every person need a fair chance.

John Castellenas/Coyote