You have saved me

I remember sitting alone. Holding two brothers photos. Suicide was their escape from the cold and heartless world.Two Ojibwa/Mexican boys who saw no road except death as peace.

I caressed my 30-30 rifle. I didn’t see any reason to keep going. Their death laid heavy on my soul. The phone  started to ring. I answered the call. A old voice with kindness. My Grandmother begin to speak to me. “We miss and love you baby. I want to see you. The family need you. Are you Okay? Grandma need her baby boy alive and strong.”

I hung the phone up. I put the 30-30 in the closet. My Grandmother knew somehow I needed kind words. She saved me.

I was drinking myself to death. I lost my first true love. I saw no reason to give a shit. My friends were not helping in Germany. Drinking was our peace. My time in Germany was getting short. I decided to say goodbye to my old lover. I went to her and I found her crying. She yelled at me. Told me he is dead. Are you happy?

I told her I knew nothing and I was sorry. I held her for three days. I brought her good whiskey and food. Ensured she was Okay. She asked “Why was I  being kind to her? I wasn’t kind to you.”

I kissed her forehead. Silence was my answer. I came to her for a goodbye. I tried to save her. Somehow I saved myself too.

Life is a fair journey. We must love and protect our family and friends. Kindness bring kindness. Forgiveness need time and a lot of love. We must be saved and we must return the kindness.

Laughter is life. We must hold on to it.

Coyote
March  2011