You have saved me..

You have saved me..

I remember sitting alone. Holding two brothers photos of two dead brothers.
Suicide was their escape from the cold and heartless world.

Two Ojibwa/Mexican boys who saw no road except death as peace.

I caressed my 30-30 rifle.
I didn’t see any reason to keep going.
Their death laid heavy on my soul.

The phone  started to ring. I answered the call.

A old voice with kindness. My Grandmother begin to speak to me.
“We miss and love you my baby boy. I want to see you. The family need you. Are you okay? Grandma need her baby boy alive and strong.”

I hung the phone up and
I put the 30-30 in the closet.
My Grandmother knew somehow I needed kind words. She saved me.

I was drinking myself to death and
I lost my first true love.
I saw no reason to give a shit.

My friends were not helping in Germany.
Drinking was our peace.

My time in Germany was getting short.
I decided to say goodbye to my old lover.

I went to her and
I found her crying.

She yelled at me.
Told me he is dead. Are you happy?

I told her I knew nothing and I was sorry.
I held her for three days like a child.

I brought her good whiskey and food.
Ensured she was okay.

She asked me. “Why was I  being kind to her?
I wasn’t kind to you.”

I kissed her forehead.
Silence was my answer for a second and I told her.
I came to you tonight, for a proper goodbye. I wanted us to leave with kind words, better memories.
I tried to save her and
somehow I saved myself too.

Life is a fair journey. We must love and protect our family and friends.
Kindness bring kindness. Forgiveness need time and a lot of love.

We must be saved and we must return the kindness.

Laughter is life. We must hold on to it.

                         Coyote
                      March  2011